questions?

some of us ask ourselves, some dont..
but how many of us ask twice?
or how many question the motive of: why we search for the answer in the first place?

confused? sorry.. let me try to untangle some..

we do something,anything for that matter
those who ask will ask themselves: why did i do that
we try and try to justify our doings.

but how many of us ask twice?
how many of us ask why we justify our doings?
to feel safe maybe?
to feel right?

we try time and time to explain our doings..
again i ask: why is that?
coz t does not actually feel right?
are we actually trying to trick our heart with our brains?
perhaps..

now, if u decide that we are tricking our hearts to accept your actions..
what's next?
is it wrong to trick our hearts?

God ask us to check back, i know.
God ask us to judge our day.
but here we are, telling ourselves that we did good.
perhaps to get a better sleep.

but is it parallel with the purpose of muhasabah?

decide for yourself
not trying to bring any guilt
simply writing down my thoughts..

percaya vs mempercayakan diri

dgr cite ni mase tazkirah lps maghrib 31/10/10
credit: ustaz zulfadhli (maaf ustz klu salah eja)

wakil dari 10 negara mengambil bahagian dalam satu pertandingan
pertandingannya berbentuk: menyeberangi satu air terjun yang tinggi dengan berjalan di atas seutas tali.
no safety net*

ditakdirkan 9 peserta pertama jatuh dan mati.
tiba giliran peserta terakhir.
beliau berjaya melepasi air terjun tersebut, tapi tiada seorang pun yang bersorak meraikan kejayaannya.
kehairanan, dia pun bertanya "mengapa kamu tidak bersorak meraikan kejayaanku?"
"kamu hanya bernasib baik", balas penonton.
"jika aku melakukannya sekali lagi, adakah kamu akan percaya pada kebolehanku?" tanya si penyeberang
"ya" balas penonton.

maka diseberanginya air terjun itu sekali lagi, dan bersoraklah semua penonton.
"percayakah kamu semua dengan kebolehanku?" tanya beliau.
"ya!!!" teriak penonton.

kemudian peserta tersebut menanyakan kepada penonton sesiapa yang sukarela didokong oleh peserta itu untuk menyeberangi air terjun tersebut.
*senyap*

peserta it bertanya,"bukankah kamu semua berkata kamu percaya dengan kebolehanku?"
*masih senyap*

kemudian bersuara seorg budak "saya!!!!!"

lalu dia pun didokongi peserta itu ke seberang air terjun.

sejurus selepas diturunkan, ramai yang bertanya kepada budak itu mengapa dia sanggup didokong sedangkan orang lain mendiamkan diri.

adik itu menjawab,"saya mempercayakan diri saya kepada jagoh itu"

p/s: betapa ramai kita pada hari ini percaya pada Allah tetapi tidak lagi mempercayakan diri padaNya. reminder for the bloke typing this, n whoever wants to be reminded

clash of the titans: part 2

bad feeling vs good thought.. again..
epic battle..

collateral damage: the soul i.e: very disturbed

idealistically depressing..

just finish reading a friend's blog when i'm writing this..
(not the entire blog mind u)

read a few posts..
the theme of those posts were: the dream guy. or it's how i saw it al least (appologise to the writer if i saw it not the way it should)

after reading those posts, say to myself: is that what they really hope in a man? its just way, way too ambitious.. well for obvious reasons..

milliseconds after that thought, i do not know how many million neurons worked to come up with the next thought: u're just scared, coz u r a long way from those men in the posts, aren't u?

honest answer: i am scared..

but not bcoz i'm not like those men, instead is bcoz i hate to disappoint..
* if that the kind of men they want, im not able to match it. thus, shattering a dream.

another cynical thought: u wont b able to match it or just simply dont want to?

this one, is a very hard question..

the real question that needs to be asked: am i using the term 'idealistic' as an excuse not to change myself?

not quite sure yet.

let me turn the table for once: how many time we use a term as an excuse?
ask real hard.

about pulling the trigger

i'm not known for a high level of patience.. i.e: im reckless.

reckless in my judgement, in my choice of words.. all of it..
paid some price for that in the past..

it's just hard not to pull the trigger when u have a really good tone..

i mean..
if u r somewhere, with someone who is doing a wrong thing (any kind of wrong),
its hard to just ignore it.
hard to keep urself from giving a cynical smile, let alone a shake of the head.
u wont be able to understand them.. coz ure too bz judging n punishing..

u probably saying, they did wrong, they deserve those treatment as a punishment..

not quiet people,

they need help, n those treatment is not doing them any good..

i knew this, a so does most of u..

but like i said.. its hard not to pull the trigger..

mujahadah.key.hard.

terrible

it feels terrible..
it feels like..
i'm flying..
its a dark night..
lost my bearing..
lost my altimeter..
lost my gyro..
without power..
without radio..
just doomed..

dont know what i should do
dont even know what i want to

just numb

when u can do what u want but u cant do nothing

very ironic right??
picture this..
u r piloting an aircraft,
moonless night.
instrument all gone wrong; speedometer, altimeter, gyro. all of them.
u can look but u see nothing
u can feel but in a sense u're numb
u can hear but u heard nothing

'when u can do what u want but u cant do nothing'
so, so lost

what r we fighting for??

what on earth r we fighting for??
we fight to say he's wrong when both could be right
we fight to say we're right when both could be wrong
we say god knows everything but we talk as if we're god
shoving people
shutting people
stump people
with quranic verse and sunnah
as if we know everything
but yet u said it out loud that only god knows everything
get my point about 'talking as if we're god'?
i wrote this to remind whoever wants to be reminded
as a checklist for whoever wants to check
not trying to be a captain ordering crews on deck
just trying to remind us to look back

now ask urself: what r we fighting for?

consistency

con.sist.en.cy: the state of always being the same in standard, form, behaviour etc*
taken from: the oxford dictionary of current english for malaysian students

i'm writing about consistency within human.
who on the face of planet earth does not like this value in a person?
i would like to think there isn't any, coz this is among the top values in my list.

think about something that makes u happy for a moment. :)

now think about the following:
-a 'person' that doesn't do what he preaches
-a 'person' that fine about something on one day, but angry about it on another

now think back about the things that makes u happy.. :)

now lets ask ourselves this: am i the 'person'?

ask real hard

have u ever say 'x never try to do anything, there is just no effort' but u yourself never did try to wear the hijab for instance?

or saying 'i dont care what people gonna say' when wearing a tight outfit but worrying so much about what people gonna say when u do not conduct yourself as u should when u wear a hijab?

ask these kind of questions really hard.
on different subjects as well.

if u r the 'person', hate that person!

n believe u have the power to chance.
begin now. do not delay.

p/s: i chose the aurat as the example subject coz the issues is so critical right now, n i'm really bothered with it. really, really bothered.

sumpah aku nyampah ngn org kemaruk..

he's my everything
chentaku
aku dan dia
jodoh anda org negeri X: tepat skali.. die mmg dr
jgn rindu2 ye syg

n ntah pae lagi diorg tulis..
siyes nyampah bhai..
ko cm dh confirm2 je ko kawin ngn die..
ko cite ape ni?? ko idup lagi esok pn blom tntu..
yg ko galabah2 ckp die jodoh ko bagai pehal..

muak tau
MUAK

tolong a..

yg lagi aku nyampah bile break nangis.. cm ape je..
pastu sumpah seranah ex tu..

bapak sedih idup ko..

pastu cite menyesal.. tk nk caye laki bagai.. 3 bln lg ko couple baru..

ape la yg ngarut sgt ni..
pastu cycle tu ulang balik..
ko ni.. cm tin aluminium ko tau.. kne recycle...

siyes sedih tgk ko..

harap allah bg a kt ko hidayah.. atau pn kasi ko cpt kawin..

the answer u give..

this post will be about dakwah..
i know i'm not the best man to talk about this..

it wont be a statement.. i'll try to make it more of a question to be answered together..

when someone comes to u and ask tough, very tough questions
question like: why must we pray 5 times a day.. those kind.. u know right?

we often heard people answer that kind of questions with the hikmah of doing the deeds..

i'm a nobody to say this is a wrong answer..
the person answering those surely have reasons for their answer.. all respect remains..

i'm just trying to bring a new perspective here.. evoking some creative thoughts..

answering those question with the hikmah will cause a confusion between asbab and hikmah, dont u think?

i read a post about asbab and hikmah..
asbab is always: lillah hi ta'alaa..
hikmah can be anything good u can think off..

not excact words*

that's all for this time.. check back ur answer.. :)

p/s: nobody is wrong.. dont get me wrong

subjective stuff.. bla.. bla..

subjective: means that neither are wrong nor right..

we all know his right..
thats y the 'bla.. bla' was in the post title

as always, the question: y when u think about he subjective stuff u did, or say, or whatever verb it was, u will ask: did i do the right thing?

i'm not saying its bad for u to check back what u did..

i'm just saying that: maybe a different question need to be asked.

if a different question is needed.. then: what is the question?

i'm searching it myself..
but i'm having a general idea: was the objective accomplished?

but bare in mind: the objective have to be a complete one, i.e considering all factors..

hope everybody finds their new question.

pride.. not u? think back..

honestly.. i hate the fact that people taking pride in big spending wedding..

i maen.. if u want o show ur love o ur beloved wife.. then just show it to her.. y bother with the world?

ask urself this: y do i spend it here. WHAT DO I WANT FROM IT?
*of course u need to be honest answering that*

i did not wrote u cannot spend.. its ur money.. but y want to spend all on that one day? save some and buy a car or a house sounds much more realistic to me..

i dont mind if u want to spend if u have money..
but if u have to delay ur wedding just to save money.. that is just ridiculous..
just unthinkably unreasonable..

forgive the negative comment but that is just what i think..

lets think back: we want to live a happy life forever.. sounds familiar?
we all know money is important.. so y dont spend it on the happy life u wanted so bad?

all i can say is that y go such a great length to show off??
if u r bruce wayne that's a different story..

so i told myself.. i will try my best to eliminate every source of pride on my wedding day..

but another part of me suddenly asked: u hated pride so much, but wont eliminating the source of pride be the source of pride itself??

i cant answer that for the time being. the niat need to be rechecked to answer that..

do u hide behind ur words?

last post i wrote about how true u r to ur words..
this time its a bit different.. not much though..

aku tk hebat..
aku bukan star..
aku tk mampu..
n many more..

sounds familiar??

we, at least i, heard these a lot.. even used it before.. many, many times.

here comes the question: how many times these statement is used to to tell the truth?

u might answer: it is the truth, i'm no star n all..

my second question: how many times, u, or we rather, used these as an excuse? excuse to run away? run away from responsibilities? responsibilities towards the failures we encounter?

why it is so hard to say: i'm no good, YET. and i'll be better
why it is so easy to say: i'm no good, that's y i fail.

from what i can see, we r just scared. scared to fall twice. that's y after the first fall, we dont get back up. we tell people that we r no good, so that people dont expect anything from us. no more failure, even when it means no more success!!

that's what i think.. i'll let u ask urself. n think of an answer of ur own.. i already have mine..

2 sides of the same coin

people hv tendency, preference, regardless weather u r the observer or the participant in the particular situation..

let me elaborate, or try rather.

setiap imam perlukan ma'mum, dn setiap ma'mun perlukn imam

every general needs an army, n every army need a general

look at these sentences..
an example of 2 sides of the same coin.
the values are identical.
but the sides r different.

so next time.. when u listen or read about someone, dont just listen or read his words, probe deeper, listen or read his values.

coz all this value come from somthing i call 'ilham'
n we all know this 'ilham' came from Allah.

only the method god use to convey usually differs.
some get it from books, some get it from the quran, the origin cn b anywhere.

now if u r the observer, u now know the value of the coin.
so, which side would prefer to look at? coz u cant look at both at the same time.

then ask urself this: y did i prefer that side?
this question will answer which image u attach to which group of people. the good thing is that after answering this question, u will realise that the attachment is just an attachment. u wont be judgmental, or prejudice.

u r free. :)

how true r u about ur words?

i was imagining i found a solution to a problem.. (aircraft design issues)
then it was sharing it..

then someone that i share it with, asked me: y do u share this?

i kept the answer to myself, instead i answered him with a question: y not?

then he said: other people will have the solution without thinking, thats not fair, is it?

despite all the down side about sharing about it, somehow u (in this case me) choose to..

the question is: the reason, is it really u or just an image u try to project?

i dont mean that u cant change urself, or be better, or try to be better.. but ikhlas..

did not make the cut

still too weak!!

have to become stronger, better!!

God give me strength!!!

really need it and i believe it can only come from u

who's right?

there is just way too many wrongs wherever u turn ur head..

it has become normal to do wrong

the problem is not about the doers or the doings

it's about when u demands for rights

u will be accused to be:

too demanding
not realistic
intimidating
unforgiving

n the list of titles goes on

but i'm going to stay where i'm at
telling the truth n take no prisoner style..

wrong is still wrong, right is still right..
u can ask for time to change, but no excuse not to change.
coz it is not my standard, its God's.
i cant play with that standard.

clash of the titans

dont even know how to put it in words..

one thing is definite the titans r still fighting an epic war..

it is so hard to describe

the titans are actually thoughts, contradict thoughts..

God, help me solve this please.

questions

a lot in my head right now
but unfortunately without answer

will keep searching

what i call 'hard work"

brandon roy
guard
portland trailblazers

i choose not to talk about allen iverson coz i dont know his shooting training regime

back to roy

as a shooting guard.. he shoots a lot..
in the 09-10 regular season he averages 21.5 points per game
with 47.3% shooting
his field goal made to attempt is 491:1,038
he played 65 games this regular season
which means he shoots an average of 16.96 shots per game

but his training??
700 shots!! every training sessions!!

he only uses 2.28% of that attempts!!

do more.
now that's HARD WORK

jangan sengaja butakan mata

"ko pehal?? mcm tkde org lain ko nk tego!! aku gk kene.."

"sume pn pki cmni ape.."

ni la reply2 standard, blom tune lagi, yg korg akn dpt klu try nk betulkn org lain..
ni pn blom msk lg reply2 klu org yg ko tgo tu tau psl zmn jahiliah ko..
jenuh2~~

yg aku pelik tu.. tau bnde tu slh.. ok fine yg bg kemampuan nk tgglkn of course Allah yg maha satu.. tp Allah suro kite usehe.. tk tau la korg nye pendapat.. tp klu ko tgh couple, ko still pgg tgn.. tu usehe ke?? blom pn suro break lagi..

ni giliran reply yg kedue tu plk..
sdgkn dr nabi adam, sampai manusie terakhir pn Allah bole kumpulkn kt padang masyar tu.. ape ko pikir Allah tk mampu nk sumbat sume masuk nerake??

ko ckp mcm nerake bole penuh je.. "sume pki cmni" ko ckp cmtu mase allah tanye..
ni bkn SPM la graf bole turun..

aku tk sangkal yg hidayah tu milik mutlak Allah..
hati kite pn Die yg pegang..

tp hidayah tu kne mintak..
bab ni aku sure sume bwt.. bab doa2 ni sume tip top

tp bile org tgo tu bkn hidayah??
yg tu gi tolak knp?? ko dh mintk pastu tolak.. pekil2 je..

fine, aku tgo care salah.. tu salah aku.. salah ko plk?
tu pn kne fikir gk.. tp ko ckp plk "slh aku ak tau la"

tau pulak.. haih~~

tau tp tk usehe menjauhi..

aku ckp USEHE.. bkn TGGLKN..

aku fhm rmi bwt.. aku tau ssh nk tgglkn.. tp still kne USEHE.. sbb hidup ni pn bkn milik kite..

HARD WORK!!!!!

i aint holding back this time

i'm angry, frustrated, and all the negative feeling u can think of.

to be honest.. i'm happy when my friends' relationship went wrong.
wanna know y? coz for an extended period they will stop doing all those lovey dovey stuff, thus stop putting in deposit in their sin account..

i'm also happy when they said they had enough of it and won't be doing it anymore due to the frustration: the only time i actually appreciate frustration. ironic.

but unfortunately, all those buggers get back to it in a few months time. their happy. for sure they r. but hell i'm not. look at what u just said!! 'had enough' soooo f***ing true man. -i said i aint holding back

y is it so so damn hard to hold on to ur own words man.. u said u're trying.. i aint seeing any results. i aint listening to the 'u dont know everything' excuse anymore.
u said it aint fair, but i dint ask u to become 'aishah' overnight!!
what i expect to see is constant improvement, i understand there will be slip up.

but u r asking me to tolerate the same slip up, the one that i've talk to u about, n u promised me to work on it. but nothing seems to chance!! what the hell?!!

what is wrong with u?!!
what does u want?!!

what i wanna do is give up on u.
coz u doesnt seem to need me around.. what i said doesnt change u.

i talked to u about those picture..
u said thats old.. i accepted it..
then ur new ones still a brows raiser..
dont u listen??!!

tell me which parents wont raise their brows seeing that???
yours??
his??
hers??

i can 'really' comprehend that the attention u get and the approval from the comments is far, far more important than ur promise.. sure does..

i had enough with u.. u frustrates me..

p/s: but it wont be fair to give up. thus conflicting emotions inside me

when ur fastest is just not fast enough

u set ur mind..
u trained hard..
u learned..
u pushed..

the time comes.

on ur mark:
u settle yourself on the block..

get set:
u press on the block..

pow!!
u lift..
u lean forward.. head down..
10 small steps.. 10 metres
chest up.. lift.. drive.. 50 metres..
head up.. lift.. lift..
finish line in sight..
push!!
the final dip..

then u hear someone says: its not quick enough..

u look around.. no one look at u in the eyes..
all with either their head down or hands on their faces..
frustration written all over..
u can almost taste their frustration from the air u breath..
then they come to u and said: never mind, u did ur best..

but that does not take away the frustration from their face does it??

it taste everything but great to disappoint the one u love..
really..

cerite pasal kaki kiri..

jangan sesekali kite pndng rendah kaki kiri orang..
walau pun dh 100 kali die miss ngn kaki kiri die..
sbb shot yg ke 101 tkde kene mengene...
rezeki shot tu dh tertulis..

dr kewujudan kaki kiri tu dh kire rezeki..
kenen ke tk..gol ke tk.. apetah lagi kn..

so knp la nk tkot sgt nnk hayun kaki kiri tu..

ak tulis ni bkn la nk ckp kaki kiri aku gempak..
ade gk sepak tk kene kn..

tp aku bersyukur allah izinkn aku hayun..
dn pernah gk la score pki kaki kiri..

bg aku tu tande kesyukurn aku la..
klu gol aku celebrate.. pandang langit sambil bersyukur..
klu tk ak tutup muke.. n still pandang langit..
mintk kekuatan supaye brani cube lagi..

so.. akhir kate.. bak kate ronaldo..
dont just rely on one foot. work on the other..

when u r stretched

its very hard.. when u no longer have a star to depend on
when u suddenly have to be the star..
being a star is easy.. doing what stars do is not..

especially when u see ur predecessor was defeated.. u start to ask urself..
'am i good enough for that?'

u decide to step up.. in other words u choose to battle..
is tiring when u feel like u r the only one who's fighting..
when others just walk around with smiles..
makes u ask urself another question 'am i doing the right thing?'

indeed u r..

just keep pushing!!

just take this as an injury during training..
or a hard foul..

remember.. 'they ' cant handle u!! that's y 'they' foul u.

an absolute prove that u r getting better!!!

to do next:
-celebrate!!
-set new goals
-push hard.. again.. then harder!!

DONT GIVE UP COZ ALLAH AND RASULULLAH HATE QUITER!!

to what y'all call freedom (think again) [for girls]

i read one article that make me write this post..

http://iloveallaah.blogspot.com/2010/01/why-are-women-turning-to-islam.html

there's the like.. read it if u want to..

the freedom i want to talk about is the freedom to wear whatever u like..
i just want to say a few things and i want you girls to think about it..
whenever the question 'why so exposed?' is asked, the most common answer is: its warm.

you girls call it freedom, but think about it..

guys want to see it.. you girls show it.. i woundn't call that freedom..
guys in other sense force all of you to wear like that..

you girls really don't mind if a bunch of guys only talk about your asses??
i think y'all do.. everybody does..

i know.. 'hell! that the guys fault for talking about it. not ours'
that's in ur mind now right?

Allah have engineered his masterpiece(us, human), with a special connection between out eyes n our reproductive organs.. thats y He asked us to guard our visions..

i know that the guys have to do the guarding..
but do us some favour aite??
u girls win.. we guys win...
all of us will have some good deeds to help us at 'mahsyar'

think about it..