percaya vs mempercayakan diri

dgr cite ni mase tazkirah lps maghrib 31/10/10
credit: ustaz zulfadhli (maaf ustz klu salah eja)

wakil dari 10 negara mengambil bahagian dalam satu pertandingan
pertandingannya berbentuk: menyeberangi satu air terjun yang tinggi dengan berjalan di atas seutas tali.
no safety net*

ditakdirkan 9 peserta pertama jatuh dan mati.
tiba giliran peserta terakhir.
beliau berjaya melepasi air terjun tersebut, tapi tiada seorang pun yang bersorak meraikan kejayaannya.
kehairanan, dia pun bertanya "mengapa kamu tidak bersorak meraikan kejayaanku?"
"kamu hanya bernasib baik", balas penonton.
"jika aku melakukannya sekali lagi, adakah kamu akan percaya pada kebolehanku?" tanya si penyeberang
"ya" balas penonton.

maka diseberanginya air terjun itu sekali lagi, dan bersoraklah semua penonton.
"percayakah kamu semua dengan kebolehanku?" tanya beliau.
"ya!!!" teriak penonton.

kemudian peserta tersebut menanyakan kepada penonton sesiapa yang sukarela didokong oleh peserta itu untuk menyeberangi air terjun tersebut.
*senyap*

peserta it bertanya,"bukankah kamu semua berkata kamu percaya dengan kebolehanku?"
*masih senyap*

kemudian bersuara seorg budak "saya!!!!!"

lalu dia pun didokongi peserta itu ke seberang air terjun.

sejurus selepas diturunkan, ramai yang bertanya kepada budak itu mengapa dia sanggup didokong sedangkan orang lain mendiamkan diri.

adik itu menjawab,"saya mempercayakan diri saya kepada jagoh itu"

p/s: betapa ramai kita pada hari ini percaya pada Allah tetapi tidak lagi mempercayakan diri padaNya. reminder for the bloke typing this, n whoever wants to be reminded

clash of the titans: part 2

bad feeling vs good thought.. again..
epic battle..

collateral damage: the soul i.e: very disturbed

idealistically depressing..

just finish reading a friend's blog when i'm writing this..
(not the entire blog mind u)

read a few posts..
the theme of those posts were: the dream guy. or it's how i saw it al least (appologise to the writer if i saw it not the way it should)

after reading those posts, say to myself: is that what they really hope in a man? its just way, way too ambitious.. well for obvious reasons..

milliseconds after that thought, i do not know how many million neurons worked to come up with the next thought: u're just scared, coz u r a long way from those men in the posts, aren't u?

honest answer: i am scared..

but not bcoz i'm not like those men, instead is bcoz i hate to disappoint..
* if that the kind of men they want, im not able to match it. thus, shattering a dream.

another cynical thought: u wont b able to match it or just simply dont want to?

this one, is a very hard question..

the real question that needs to be asked: am i using the term 'idealistic' as an excuse not to change myself?

not quite sure yet.

let me turn the table for once: how many time we use a term as an excuse?
ask real hard.

about pulling the trigger

i'm not known for a high level of patience.. i.e: im reckless.

reckless in my judgement, in my choice of words.. all of it..
paid some price for that in the past..

it's just hard not to pull the trigger when u have a really good tone..

i mean..
if u r somewhere, with someone who is doing a wrong thing (any kind of wrong),
its hard to just ignore it.
hard to keep urself from giving a cynical smile, let alone a shake of the head.
u wont be able to understand them.. coz ure too bz judging n punishing..

u probably saying, they did wrong, they deserve those treatment as a punishment..

not quiet people,

they need help, n those treatment is not doing them any good..

i knew this, a so does most of u..

but like i said.. its hard not to pull the trigger..

mujahadah.key.hard.

terrible

it feels terrible..
it feels like..
i'm flying..
its a dark night..
lost my bearing..
lost my altimeter..
lost my gyro..
without power..
without radio..
just doomed..

dont know what i should do
dont even know what i want to

just numb

when u can do what u want but u cant do nothing

very ironic right??
picture this..
u r piloting an aircraft,
moonless night.
instrument all gone wrong; speedometer, altimeter, gyro. all of them.
u can look but u see nothing
u can feel but in a sense u're numb
u can hear but u heard nothing

'when u can do what u want but u cant do nothing'
so, so lost

what r we fighting for??

what on earth r we fighting for??
we fight to say he's wrong when both could be right
we fight to say we're right when both could be wrong
we say god knows everything but we talk as if we're god
shoving people
shutting people
stump people
with quranic verse and sunnah
as if we know everything
but yet u said it out loud that only god knows everything
get my point about 'talking as if we're god'?
i wrote this to remind whoever wants to be reminded
as a checklist for whoever wants to check
not trying to be a captain ordering crews on deck
just trying to remind us to look back

now ask urself: what r we fighting for?