idealistically depressing..

just finish reading a friend's blog when i'm writing this..
(not the entire blog mind u)

read a few posts..
the theme of those posts were: the dream guy. or it's how i saw it al least (appologise to the writer if i saw it not the way it should)

after reading those posts, say to myself: is that what they really hope in a man? its just way, way too ambitious.. well for obvious reasons..

milliseconds after that thought, i do not know how many million neurons worked to come up with the next thought: u're just scared, coz u r a long way from those men in the posts, aren't u?

honest answer: i am scared..

but not bcoz i'm not like those men, instead is bcoz i hate to disappoint..
* if that the kind of men they want, im not able to match it. thus, shattering a dream.

another cynical thought: u wont b able to match it or just simply dont want to?

this one, is a very hard question..

the real question that needs to be asked: am i using the term 'idealistic' as an excuse not to change myself?

not quite sure yet.

let me turn the table for once: how many time we use a term as an excuse?
ask real hard.